No publicity is bad publicity. I’m using the release of a movie that puts D.I.D. in a negative light as an opportunity to shine a positive light and raise awareness.

I talked about this before but I’m going more into detail here.

Some of you have heard about a new movie coming out called “Split.” As you may be able to guess (especially since you are reading my blog) this is about someone with “split personalities,” i.e. Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Oh, but this is not in a good way portrayed. The genre is horror. The villain, a freakish DID culprit with frightening sadistic tendencies, kidnapping innocent attractive young girls for no apparent reason. Whereas I’m not going to deny that someone with DID could be a sociopath, I’m going to tell you good f*cking luck finding one in reality as of yet.

People with DID were victims. The people that did this to us are the monsters. We are the ones that need to be afraid of other people…..Other people who are ignorant can have serious detrimental effects on our lives because of misunderstanding and ignorance. Myself, for example, was sent to jail when I actually had a dissociative episode and I tried to explain it but they didn’t understand or do anything to help. I wrongly had an arrest when I needed to go to a mental health institution. They would not let my husband bring me meds but their psychiatrist never saw me for  several days and I was locked in solitary confinement, worsening all my worst symptoms. Another incident, I had my child taken from me when I was manipulated under dissociative episodes by my own husband (now ex) and mother-in-law. For no reason except they wanted me out and away from her. Their fuel to the fire was the mainstream information that was portrayed in movies and other media. They had some idea that I was going to “kidnap” my child and/or attack people. I’ve never shown ANY sign of violence. I’ve only ever defended myself. So, for this way of thinking, the type of fear that that this “Split” movie portrays, is the reason I don’t have my child today. Then, you see why I take a personal cause to speak up during the release of this movie.


What if my family and friends see this movie after knowing I have this diagnosis? What if they reject me based of this horrible portrayal? Needlessly fearing me, instead of judging me on my own actions and merit.


Many children ripped away from parents because of misunderstanding of D.I.D.. Just like my child, who’s loving mother only needed support to heal, but was abused and ripped away from her. Even with the ones not taken, what will these children wrongly think of their parents if they hear of this movie? Children need to identify with their parents, so how do you think this can affect their emotions, self esteem, and opinion of themselves?


As a patient diagnosed, I was a little afraid of my diagnosis, too. If this is all we with D.I.D. know, it can have detrimental effects on our healing progress. In the beginning, I didn’t even know anything much more than the negative and it was scary to me. Until I educated myself. Until I found a counselor who was even educated on my disorder. This kind of suffering and self hate should not happen and it is unfair that people even get retraumatized by this negative portrayal. It’s so hard to understand yourself, and even harder to get other people to understand you. Hard enough without movies creating more horrible creations that people take way too seriously.

The world is not very safe for those of us with DID. People need educated. Awareness is greatly needed, so we need to be speaking up. Now here’s my chance, and I’m terrified, but I’m going to do this. Lamb for the slaughter, for all those who can’t have the strength to share their stories, I share mine to raise awareness. I make effort to make a physical change putting my physical body out there, more than just touting on about it on the internet.

We have these movies because it sounds cool that someone could act a bunch of different ways and it kind of scares us that we cannot know what to expect at all times. And people love thrills, so if you’re a person particular to horror, why wouldn’t you think it would be a cool scary story? I’m going to give the world the benefit of the doubt. I’m giving them a chance to use their brains and not be muddied with belief that a fictional movie could EVER be a correct real life representation. I feel it might be possible for someone to be entertained by a movie but know it’s totally false. Also, I believe most people don’t know how real DID is. It’s still a Jeckyll and Hyde fairy tale horror. But if I show them to their face how real we are, in the flesh and blood, they will have no way to avoid what makes them uncomfortable. Most people, when hearing my story, react with compassion. Some are rude and think there is something to argue. There is nothing to argue. I know you cannot see my change, and you not seeing my DID doesn’t matter to me. I have nothing to prove to you. I’m only trying to get better. If I can’t reach you, I discard you, and onto the next one.

Let me be an example to all of us with dissociative identity disorder. Standing up saying we won’t take this anymore. People couldn’t write a movie about a diabetic going on a killing spree eating people because their sugar was low. Why should they be allowed to exaggerate my mental illness in a highly ridiculous way? Maybe there COULD be a “psycho” person with DID out there but I’ve yet to see proof of any who claim it. Most of us are too broken, reliving constant terror of our own, afraid to venture out in the world, much less wreak violent havoc in it. We are afraid of the world being afraid of us. So we hide. I’m showing we can be something more than that though. We can live just like everyone else and our identities don’t have to be anything but just another friend you know.

So, all this said, let me tell you how I am confronting people and showing them a real life *dissociative freak show* in the flesh and blood! (excuse my dark humor, it keeps me alive, laughing at absurdities. ha)

When this movie is released, I’m going to leech off the attention. In the middle of the crowd, I will have posters and my voice addressing those who are on their way to see the “Split” movie. I will shake their hands. I will have whoever of us is present introduce me and themselves. I will hand them a simple neutral informational pamphlet on Dissociative Identity Disorder. I will tell them to enjoy the movie,but remember it’s just entertainment not reality.

I’m going to do another thing that I believe no one else with D.I.D. is ever going to consider. I am going to see the movie too. I’ve said, I feel this is going to be more of a comedy than a horror to me. Laughing at the absurdity. Oh, my dark humor helps me. I know it makes many of you uncomfortable. Yet you have to admit, I’m doing some good things with it. We cannot fully defend ourselves if we don’t know what we are up against. I must force myself to sit through it. I must know what it is, exactly, I am arguing. If laughing gets me through it, then let laughing get me through it.

Judge not, y’all…Suzy says this, my bubbly happy 18 year old who picked up the southern accent of  cousins who grew up in south…See, we aren’t that weird. 😉

Anyway, I’ve commissioned a few of my equally crazy cool comrades to help me make some posters and pass these out. I’m only making posters myself. Was going to make a pamphlet but I’m pressed for time and I found these online on the website, a site you pay for but lets you read a variety of interesting books and access all types of literature, lectures, and even audio books. Some things are free.

I’ve decided to share the link to these flyers I’m passing out. I want anyone to feel free to pick up my cause here, and be brave enough to find a place near the movies to pass these brochures out just like me.

Where I downloaded them from Scribd:

This first link is a brochure that explains a lot of how D.I.D. occurs and how people can help be supportive with what D.I.D. actually is. Uses a great “smashed vase” metaphor as one possibility as well as an “alternate selves” possibility representing who the person would be with each set of memories and experiences each alter has. I like how it even says mostly it’s a blend of the two. It’s how I would describe our personal team’s experience here, a blend of the two. Anyway, informative and positive, check it out, maybe pass it out too?:

“Introducing D.I.D.” brochure

Just to help people better understand, I’m also giving out this pamphlet below, that better explains what just general dissociation is and how people can dissociate without disorders-

“Managing Dissociation” brochure.

Lastly, I want to point out it lists a web address on the actual brochure for the group/person responsible for these brochures, known as The Dissociative Initiative. I support their cause and want to give credit where credit is do along with much accolades for their work. However, the website on the brochure is not an up-to-date web address. It gives you a redirect link on that website to the new one, but let me just give you a shortcut to it:

Check out The Dissociative Initiative on wordpress:





Tell us your thoughts and give us your support with some comments! ❤


2 thoughts on “No publicity is bad publicity. I’m using the release of a movie that puts D.I.D. in a negative light as an opportunity to shine a positive light and raise awareness.

  1. I came across your blog after watching the movie Split interestingly enough.. The movie, however inaccurately describing your illness, led me to want to research more and learn more. I wanted you to know that there is a positive to this movie, of possible awareness.. However some people might take the movie depiction to be real. I for one did not, hence wanting to research what it meant to be someone with a real dissociative disorder. I had an idea of what your illness was, but did not know the extent to which it is. I thank you for sharing, and I think there is not nearly enough education on it.


  2. I read this post a while ago, but I’m just now getting around to responding to it. (Sorry for the delay.) I wanted to tell you that I really admire you for what you did by going to the theater and handing out brochures about DID, and talking about your own DID to total strangers. That took a huge amount of courage, and I don’t think we would’ve been able to do that. I will admit that we were angered by the movie Split, and we didn’t want to go anywhere near a movie theater on that movie’s opening weekend. But, like you, it got us thinking that we need to do something to help raise awareness of DID. So that’s why we (specifically Leyna, who you’ve already heard from) decided to start talking about our DID online and looking for other DID systems, blogs, facebook groups, etc. to interact with. We want to both teach people who don’t have DID about what it is REALLY like (as opposed to what movies and TV shows claim it is like), and also encourage people who do have DID, and hopefully be able to help by sharing our own experiences. We are starting to be more open online about our DID, but we are nowhere near as open in our personal life as you-all are, to be “out” as DID at your work and so forth. We’re always afraid that if anyone found out about it at our work, although we might not be immediately fired, they might try to make it hard on us so that we would quit. I’m not sure if that fear is realistic or not, but that’s how we feel. But anyway, the whole point I’m trying to make is, we admire you for your courage. Keep fighting the good fight of DID awareness!!!



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