How do I word this? About people’s complete selfishness and ignorance by not speaking up about abuse? And how it stops the victim from being able to heal if they can’t let themselves call it abuse, when nobody in their lives will support them and call it abuse too? It makes total sense why it’s difficult for the victim to call abuse, abuse. Oh and the gas lighting and the minimizing of the abuse doesn’t help with that at all, am I right? Yet we just don’t understand why it’s so hard for OTHER people outside of abuse witnessing to call it for what it is. Not make excuses.
For example, I feel like my family hid and covered up the truth of my abuse because they didn’t want the stigma attached to rape that would possibly be an embarrassment. The truth was my half brother raped me from age 3 until I told on him at age 8.. He is 8 years older than I. So he was 16 when I was 8… They did not want to prosecute him as an adult, they wanted to help him. Granted he was taken away, but for only 2 years. Also, during this time I had to do weekly counseling sessions with him and I was told he was just a “troubled boy” who said he did this because he was “jealous of the attention I got.” Oh, also he did this because all of his friends were having sex, he says (yea so let me have sex with my prepubescent little sister then?? yea, that makes sense).. People believed this and would not accept that maybe he was really a pedophile, since I was so young and well before puberty at 3 when it started.
He was barely gone 2 years for the 5 years he tormented and raped me on almost a daily basis.. He instead got to go to a “home for troubled boys” rather than juvenile detention too. And when he was 18 they brought him back into the family like nothing ever happened. They didn’t tell anyone in the family the truth to why he went away so that he could come back. They told me to lie about why he went away if anyone asked too. So This is what this does to me, I just wasn’t allowed to say the truth and had to convince myself he wasn’t an “abuser” because nobody else called him that. So I had to see him as he was just a “troubled boy” who needed help, too. (Obviously this was helped by the gift of dissociation, and this trying to deny reality is part of the cause for our multidentity with dissociative identity disorder) And I let person after person abuse me in my adult life after.
No one understood why I would do that to myself. It was because I was taught that’s what I deserve and I sought out the familiar abuse. Took me til I was in my 30’s to see the truth. I no longer hide the fact that my brother is a pedophile rapist, no matter what my parents say about it. I no longer talk to my rapist either, didn’t even give him a goodbye just stop acknowledging him. I am now healing. I have a spiritual family to support me now, my group of good people who see the truth of abuse and validate my feelings too.