You know I could never understand why a 11 year old boy just starting puberty would desire to molest and coerce a 3 year old to have sex… A biological disorder is all I could think of and I was on the bandwagon that pedophilia may be some sexuality like being straight or bi or pan or gay is. See, if this were true that pedophilia is actually a pedosexuality then it would be there with the onset of puberty. Which is the way it is for anyone else, straight or gay or whatever, always knowing what they were from day one of puberty. That explained for a while why he would suddenly desire this as a boy.
So it seemed I had an answer and that it was just an unfortunate circumstance that he was born with this abnormal sexuality he had no control of. However…having a sexual attraction is not what makes you manipulate and abuse anyone. I see now it was his choice to force it when it was not accepted. I realize now it’s not that pedophilia is a biological thing and a sexual attraction happening in childhood with onset of puberty. It’s the fact that narcissism and sociopathy can actually be recognized in childhood. This is the thing we need to focus on. This is so often ignored that even children can have these disorders.
Adults want to believe children are innocent and what they will do as kids cannot carry on into adulthood, IF ONLY the proper training and compassion to help them! He wasn’t just sexually attracted to me and reacting on an impulse. He simply saw me as an object to use for his sexual pleasure. He got the idea from somewhere too. This is the other issue we need to focus on more – the exposure of kids to pornography and how it may be breeding sexual predators.
He, at the start of puberty, looking for information about his new pleasurable feelings, had seen pornography. He used to adjust the antenna to make it as clear as possible (this was before our modern cable era) or when we could afford things like HBO/Cinemax there would be shows on there that were very sexual and soft core porn like. He also got magazines some how. He only had these things he saw to go on for what was the next step to deal with his sexual frustrations.
And how does most porn portray females? As ready and willing orifices for males to penetrate at will. I’m not sure if it was the exposure to this that messed up his brain or if it was there before and this just fed into it. I just know now, it wasn’t just biology of a sexual attraction like I originally thought that made him sexually assault me. It was biology that made him sexually aroused and he simply needed an orifice who sought to use me for his satisfaction. Like a narcissist and it’s sad because there really is no way to “get help” for a narcissist. They just learn how to be better narcissists when you put them in a counselling situation (I even heard Dr. Phil say something like this, ha ha). In therapy, it’s like practice for the narcissist as they try to get the therapist on their side, as the therapist feeds their narcissism with the focus and attention. In therapy they learn behaviors of the average person so they can more easily manipulate trust. At least it seemed to work on my parents, who believe he was “cured.”
I don’t know how you can help a narcissist except by emphasizing what the laws are and what are the socially accepted norms. To emphasize that it means isolation for the narcissist if they don’t try to comply. That’s what I think stops them. Fear of being held accountable and being alone without their narcissistic feed.
The thing is though, as soon as they have the opportunity that no one is looking, they will succumb to their nature. They won’t resist. So after all this thinking I would have to say that pedophilia is not a sexual attraction and it’s not helpful to focus on this idea as an explanation for child abuse. This is not the issue to be treated. The issue is either psychopathy or sociopathy and narcissism. Only these types could be capable of hurting children and having no ability to see them as separate living autonomous beings. Only these types of people could infer that type of orgasmic sexual pleasure at the expense of another person…Again I say, the euphoria of sexual orgasm is caused by the release of an addictive chemical substance in the brain. They crave it like a junkie on heroine, too.
Pedophiles are the most dangerous type of people. Anyone who can do this or desire to do this can do ANYTHING harmful to ANYONE, so long as it pleases them. If they are not more horrified than they are aroused then i see they are dangerous. Period.
They have proven they have no regard for human life. This cannot be taught. Somehow we need to have a type of of permanent camp to send pedos away to if we cannot give them the death penalty. Because the are worthless to society no matter what gains they have, as they will always be hurting someone. Whether its physically abusing the dog or a lover, or emotionally abusing/neglecting family and their kids they have later (if not giving in to pedophilic desires), or lying and stealing off family or work, or actually raping or even capable of murdering people. I guarantee one or more of these are happening. They will never be “good people.”
Let’s never forget sometimes good people can do bad things but also bad people can do good things too. Don’t let them manipulate you to confuse them with good people! Good people make mistakes. Bad people make cons.
Don’t believe anyone who says they can help stop children being raped if they believe this can be achieved while known pedophiles are allowed to roam free around children. They have a noble cause, but having our heads so high in the sky that we cannot see the ground and truth will not protect any. This is ignorance to think you can “heal” a pedophile. Ignorance is not bliss. It’s dangerous. I see that now.
It did help me to have biology as an answer at first but then the problem is, i believe there is no such thing as a “non offending” pedophile. The thing about the “martyred pedophile” who never hurt anyone and just wanted to get help talking openly all about his struggles is just a con to get sympathy and more leniency. There also is no such thing as a convicted sexual predator of this sort never re-offending so I fear they will try to not even get prison by claiming they are a victim of biology.
Obviously narcissism and sociopathy are real disorders that should have treatment. Obviously having a disorder doesn’t automatically make you dangerous. However certain actions and confessions may prove certain types are indeed dangerous. I don’t have the answer for what to do to help them. I just know the facts prove they cannot be trusted once they show signs of pedophilia. They are the world’s most dangerous people and all of society needs protected from them forever. Sure, get them help. Give them all the therapy they want….while locked away from society forever…
Don’t come at me with “so-and-so knows they have a sexual attraction to kids but has not touched any yet and hates themself and seeks therapy. We can help prevent them from doing it if you give them therapy!”
No. It doesn’t work that way. As a fetishist myself, I know no amount of therapy can wipe away your sexual arousal to something or some scenario. The therapy is only to help you deal with not being able to feel fully sexually satisfied if you can’t get what you want. Though the thing about the world of BDSM is focused on consentual ROLE PLAY and willingly giving away power. Where as pedophilia is about manipulating the children who have no knowledge to even consent yet and ACTUALLY ENACTING in reality not just playing a fantasy role one can stop. This is not a situation where one can can state how much is too far in. Children have no say when to stop or when is too far. They are continually manipulated, either through guilt or threats. A grown adult will not be able to feel like a child has a say in anything. Ultimately grown adults do what they want with the smaller sized human unable to stop them. That is a different mentality than the subculture around my fetishes. However the similarity is that sexual pleasure is what it is and cannot be “therapied” out of someone. If they truly did not like it (as they truly shouldn’t) then they would feel disgust when thinking about it (like naturally most would). However if what they are feeling is shame for enjoying what they enjoy…. I can’t focus on their supposed shame, because all I hear is them admitting they enjoy it.
That admittance means they are a dangerous. I don’t care that it embarrasses them that they have these urges… I care that they admit they have this desire and enjoy it. Almost shamelessly so, as if hidden in a supposed cry for help is actually a proud display of what they enjoy. Just as a narcissist con to distract you from seeing their danger by disarming you to bring forth your human empathy.
So I’m sorry that I am changing my mind around again and again and confuse you. Well I can see maybe is a way you could try to say it’s an sexual orientation but can you really prove that it’s not deeper than what’s physical on the outside? Their need is deeper than the flesh. That makes it more a “–philia” than a “–sexuality”….as far as we can understand it.
We also need to keep this in mind-
It is always better to protect children than to try to put them at risk for one such people. We don’t fully understand what’s going on in the brain yet, I’m sure their are possible biological factors. We keep going back and forth between us all inside…but the one thing remains the same, the danger to children exists as long as pedophiles are not constantly monitored or removed from society.