"Dissociative Jess"

Sometimes, you cannot tell what is real or what is not. Sometimes you cannot even feel your own body. Nothing makes sense. To be or not to be? Ney……Am I, or… am I not? So goes the poetic representation of dissociation…

Welcome to our page and we hope you learn a lot about dissociation through us sharing here. Dissociation is a real phenomenon that many must live with, each person utilizing their own unique ways of handling it. I hope to find healing by telling my story, from all of my internal selves’ points-of-view, so we can all feel safe and accepted. A very important motive I have for writing is gaining public acceptance to help us accept ourselves, and be less afraid of the world.

It’s not automatically disorder, as everyone dissociates at some point in their life. “Highway hypnosis” is probably the main example. The disorder I live with, Dissociative Identity Disorder, or any other disorder with dissociative symptoms, is just dissociation at an extreme level that interferes with your life. It doesn’t have to be complete chaos though, as you can learn the signs of it’s onset and tricks to overcome it. Dissociation can become just something you accept as part of your life, not by choice, and not hate yourself for. It’s something you may have to plan your life around and become accustomed to, but it can improve. All the while you do your best to not judge yourself. This is every day life living with a dissociative mind.

Yes, there are some fascinating and awesome occurrences because this IS indeed a creative survival technique the brain has. Saying “creative” does not mean it is entertaining and purely for amusement to live this lifestyle. Real dissociative disorders are not escapes from responsibility nor attempts to recreate oneself to make up for a life lacking excitement. (Honestly, most of us had a pretty “exciting” situation that made us this way so we don’t want any more excitement. We want calm.) It is simply normal brain processes that developed differently, and with walls between consciousness levels, separating memories into compartments. The reasons this happens are many, but mostly some interference with the early developmental stages of childhood occurs. Likely caused by long term and repeated trauma, which will lead to a dissociative disorder to cope. This is why people with dissociation need more compassion and not to be called to question their very existence.

I wish to be a voice for many. My story isn’t just mine, it’s an example of so many ignored and forgotten and abandoned who are seeking acknowledgement. My story isn’t any where near one of the worst, but it can open your mind to horrific possibilities out there. I wish to be a voice for those who have no strength to. I want to be the voice for children who don’t have a say in their own recovery, or how the adults in their life feel about punishment to the one who assaults them. I want to be a voice that I didn’t have for myself as a child, a voice that says children matter more than those who raped them of a normal life. Also, I may even discuss things I learn about others with my disorder or similar situations, and discuss others’ healing or any activism they do. I may discuss other websites that I find impressive, informative, or at the very least interesting and related to similar things in my life.

In the end I hope you will see – multiples show themselves in multiple ways, not all of us are “disordered,” we are not likely violent, and the use of one name is more of a personal choice so not a representation of one’s healing. I hope to show you there are some who can heal themselves without the assistance of continuous therapy. I/we being one example of such.

Lastly, you may discover just how well we are at surviving and blending in. You may discover that maybe–JUST MAYBE–unbeknownst to you, that you have already interacted with a “multiple” yourself.

*ONCE AGAIN, WELCOME AND THANKS FOR VISITING!*

*FEEL FREE TO PERUSE ALL SECTIONS AND GIVE FEEDBACK!*

Please read “About Dissociative Jess” before reading any blog posts so to know more about how we came to write this blog, more details about “us,” and information including what to expect and trigger warnings.